Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Meeting?

Unknown Person 1: “Wake up!”

Unknown Person 2: “I WASN’T THE ONE WHO STOLE THE CHEESE! Wait, what? Where am I?”

Unknown Person 1: “Geez, first, you went down into the world without me knowing, then you die and now you’re back! Why do you do this to me?”

Unknown Person 2: “Where am I? Who am I? When am I? What am I? How did I get here?”

Unknown Person 1: “Calm down, it will all come back to you shortly, you’re just suffering from a bout of reincarnation sickness. Just calm down, and have a drink of water.”

Unknown Person 2: “Thank you. Eww, blech! This water tastes putrid! What is in here?

Unknown Person 1: “All of your memories, and also all of the good deeds you ever did in your life, the tastier it is, the more good deeds you have done.”

Unknown Person 2: “So What you’re saying is, I am a terrible terrible person in my life, so my drink tastes like rotten meat?”

God: “More or less, oh and now that that is out of the way, it’s time for introductions. I’m known as the creator, god, giant flying spaghetti monster, whatever you want to call it. You should be regaining your memories right about now, can you remember what your name is?

Unknown Person 2: “I think I am starting to remember that my name was ARRGH, IT HURTS, IT HURTS SO MUCH, MAKE IT STOP, PLEASE KILL ME!!!”

God: “No can do John Doe, you’re already dead, so I can’t kill you again. But,  if you want the pain to stop, you can always try to think harder, you’ll eventually get used to your neurons frying due to the large amounts of information you collected during the process of 7 lives.”

Unknown Person 2: “ARRGH IT HURTS, wait, did you just say 7 lives? How did I live 7 lives? I can’t remember any of it at all.”

God: “Well, have you heard of the story of Sisyphus, ya know the greek guy who supposedly rolls a boulder up a hill for all eternity because he pissed off the gods by refusing to die around 2 times, well, you are sorta in the same boat, except that we have now remodelled the system to keep up with the times.The new system has a raffle where people who get the lucky raffle ticket are able to go and redeem themselves in the mortal realm once again. In the process of this, they would have to try and become a saint like figure in their world, saving lives left and right, and healing people and producing miracles. To answer your question about your 7 lives, you were a necromancer in your past life, and you eluded the gods, me and my associates,  around 7 times by creating a new body for yourself every time you were about to die and infused your own soul into every new clone body. Even after you were killed, you had a way to trap your soul in the mortal world until a suitable container could be found. Due to this, you were practically undying in your previous life which was a huge sin.”

Unknown Person 2: “But doesn’t everyone fear death? What is wrong with refusing to die?”

God: “Well you were fully aware that you would be reincarnated after you died, but you still refused to die and instead went around recruiting people to join you in your struggle against death, in turn you made lots of people necromancers who started killing people and enslaving them in order to prolong their own life. You gave birth to a whole generation of necromancers who went on to destroy the world you lived in. It was only then that your soul dissipated and you really died.”

Unknown Person 2: “So what you are saying is, I destroyed the world inadvertently while trying to keep myself from dying.”

God: “Precisely”

Unknown Person 2: “So what now? What do you want me to do?”

God: “Well first off, I’m going to jog your memory, have fun, this is gonna be painful.”

It was then, that god proceeded to beat me to a pulp.

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